Thursday, 10 January 2019

Vanity Poet seeks sympathy

This one's for my favourite comedian northsider Dave!

Scene:  A Cork bar, after hours.

It's himself.
Look boys, it's himself.
So it is.
It's been a while.
Three days at least.
Go on, ask him.
I'll ask him.
How's it going? It's been a while?
He's very quiet.
What's that box beneath his arm?
What's that under your oxter Mick?
      A prize.
It's a prize me lads.
What for a prize?
What might it be?
      A vase.
A vase it is my lads.
Or a flower pot.
And what's it for?
      It's for my pomes.
It's for his rhymes.
His rhyming rhymes have won a prize.
A flower pot for a prize.
in Dublin's fair city
by the Global Poetry Club
no less.
It's written here on the box.
Fill 'em up Old Pat behind the bar.
Replenish the porter
 stout bar-fellow thou.
You've just been over for this prize?
says Pat the Elder
softly drawing stout.
      I did and that's a fact. 
Let's see the blessed pot then Mick
Yes, let's see the vase, the prize
- a trick well won I'll vow 
       You can't.
Why not?
       It's broke. 
He shakes the box. The sound of shards. 
Oh my Paddy Kavanagh.
Who broke it so?
When broke it so?
How broke the crystal chalice? 
       I broke it tripping off the stage. 
And well and good you broke it!


  1. Excellent poem and thanks for mentioning me Gwil.

    1. Thanks Dave. Like my mind I've just tidied it up a bit but not too much. My mum had a Singer sewing machine. We sent ours to Africa. It's called foreign aid.

    2. We'll be wanting it back soon if they don't sort themselves out in Westminster.

  2. I believe my brother-in-law, who tells me his heritage is West side London, would give you a pass. I enjoyed the bit. For Dave's prize, well done, as well.

    1. Thanks Joanne. I love visiting Dave's blog. His jokes are priceless. You wouldn't give him tuppence for them.

  3. Clear as mud! Daft as a box of frogs. You wouldn't buy a second hand car if Parliament sold cars. I still don't know if ex pats will be allowed to stay in their adopted countries. My moving to Portugal plans are stuck on red at the Brexit traffic lights.

    1. One day I saw a local politician up north driving my old car. I knew where he lived so I went and knocked on his door and asked him if it had broken down yet. It will do, I added before doffing my cap and heading for the bus stop.

  4. I am sending this post to my son, Dom (made out of words) - he is a poet too and will enjoy this.

  5. And I did enjoy it, thank you, as predicted!

  6. I don't think I can take the strain of the two of yous and these jokes.

    1. I liked his Liverpool tea bag joke after the Wolves match.

  7. A man walks into a shop in Blackburn and says:

    Have you got any turps please?


    Audio or video?

    1. When they're so bad they're good, David (Sunday name)